kamichan.com

I didn’t feel very happy in the last couple of days and weeks, and by “not very happy of course I mean “very unhappy”. So in order to boost my self esteem a little I thought I’d look at all the things about myself that define who I am, that make me unique. After spending 20 years in mental puberty I stumbled right into midlife crisis. From 14 to 40 in a snap, that must be quite unique. I’m also uniquely inept when it comes to social interaction. I hate dealing with people. I hate being nice. I hate looking other people in the eyes. I hate party chitchat. I hate talking.

I scored a whopping 39 out of 50 points over at that autism test. Men score 17 on average. I guess that puts me somewhere between Asperger Syndrome and high functioning autism. Not that I’m surprised by the result or anything.

I watched Autism: The Musical over the weekend to find some comfort in the hoped-for fact that I’m so different from full fledged autists in so many ways. Turns out I’m not.

So I guess I’m a high functioning autist with an eating disorder and a history of substance abuse and paraphilic tendencies, and as such I’m probably not very unique at all. Maybe a little different, but unique? No.

Speaking of different btw, I thought this was something quite different:

Download:
HHS 20008-06-07 HSB BUMP UP.avi (I know it’s 2008 and not 20008. Sue me.)

I haven’t replied to a lot of readers’ comments recently. I’m sorry about that. Don’t take it personal, and please keep your comments coming. They do mean a lot to me and I always enjoy reading them. But these are difficult times for me and I don’t feel like communicating with people at the moment. Again, sorry about that.

A couple of people who are reading this are gonna meet me in Tokyo in a few weeks. I hope I didn’t scare you with this entry. I’m not really that bad. I’m just… not really good with people, and the prospect of meeting you (possibly even more than one of you at a time) totally scares the shit out of me. Don’t worry though, I’ll be fine. Just try to act not too surprised if I say something incredibly strange. Or if I just run away, back to my own planet.

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