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The Hollie Steel incident on last night’s Britain’s Got Talent semi final turned an otherwise good show into a complete farce and left me with an irrational feeling of hatred for 10-year-old girls, in fact, all 10-year-olds, in fact, all children who ever managed to get it their way by throwing a tantrum. It’s the strongest weapon in the How-to-manipulate-adults-toolkit-for-10-year-olds (probably better known as HTMATFTY) because these little devils know exactly how uncomfortable people get when you just start kicking and screaming. And adults hate it because they know the only thing they can do is to give in, and so they give in.

Here’s what happened: Hollie Steel sang her song, forgot her lines, pretended to cry, except she didn’t seem to produce so much as single tear, and she wanted to try again, the producers said “sorry, you can’t” so Hollie stomped her foot and cried even more with even less tears so it was basically just wailing.

And everybody fell for it. Everybody. The judges, the producers, the studio audience. She got her second chance, sang her song, got phone-voted in the top 3 by even more people who fell for it, and put through to the final in a unanimous decision by three judges with a degree of disrespect that probably no runner-up ever had to endure.

And throughout the whole thing the mob is shouting and screaming as if they’re watching lions kill Christians or something. Go watch it, it’s appalling.

Thank you, ITV, for bringing out the worst in me. I’m now hoping that Hollie Steel will comepletely and utterly fail in the final. “I’m so happy and I don’t want it to end~.” Pfff… sweatheart, it’s a game and it has to end at some point for everybody, and when it happens to you you just can’t bully your fellow players into letting you go on. They’re all happy, and they all don’t want it to end. Why should you deserve something that nobody else gets? Just because you’re a spoilt little brat? Not in my rule book, missy. Better learn how to play the game before you play the next time. Life lesson learned. You’re welcome.

Moving on.

Winner of the public vote was 12-year-old Aidan Davis with a great performance. I reckon he’ll be in the top 3 tonight, but I can’t see the public voting a teenage boy dancer winner of BGT two years running. So it’ll probably be between Susan Boyle and Shaheen Jafargholi. Unless Hollie throws another hissy fit.

So yeah, looking forward to the final. This is gona be some great shit.

Good Evans didn’t make it through, but I adore that Elliot kid. I like his broken voice a lot better than before (it’s called the Chinen effect), but he didn’t have his best day, and even if he had he wouldn’t have enough power to schlepp four people along.

Shaheen Jafargholi FTW.